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Innocence

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Life kind of kidnapped me. Sorry for the disappearance. And don't worry, my mood is a-okay now. This was supposed to be up on Monday of this week.

Here's the story regarding to my "innocence" or rather, not so innocent. I'm about to disclose a dark side of me. Proceed at your own risks.

------------You've been warned-----------------------------

The whole past week weren't exactly going right for me. Failing math test ( I don't fail...a B is a bitch slap to the face), crush disappearing, best friend gone. I went out trying to find a replacement but man...Humans are weird...It gets weirder and weirder and it's just feeding my misanthropy.

Tired of finding connection. I decided eff it. I'm going to the strip club and let the hot girls cheer me up. Hahah....Yeah I have had enough of guys.

Somehow by the end of the night, a couple offered me $300 to film them having sex. Now, it wouldn't have been such a big deal if the couple weren't my sister and her boyfriend. lol

Her bf said " I'll throw in an extra $100 if you film nude."
I'm like " HAHAH NO. My clothes will stay on."

I am no angel and I'm not proud of it...I took the $300 in a heart beat. Once you have worked for your cash, you can't just turn down easy money. It wasn't really awkward since it was around 3am when I filmed them, my eyes were barely open. I'm good at zoning out. Completely unaware of "the act" that were going on.

With $300 to spare. I decided it's time I replace my 3-year old crappy phone with something nice, an iPhone. ( I've been working hard, no shopping for years, straight A's..time to reward...)

A guy I knew from an Exxxotica show I modeled for year ago contacted me saying he can sell his iPhone for $150. He also asked me for an autographed picture of myself. I was very flattered. Until he proceed to ask if I sell my UNDERWEAR. WTF...

Ok...why are guys such perverts? OMG...Anyways, lol...I sold him mine fore $70. I know...I'm not proud of myself. But money is money.

However, selling undies is where I draw the line. ( I just took my sister's and shipped it to him for $70...)

He then proceeded to ask for "phone sex" "nude pictures", he even sent a picture of his penis.

Honestly, I didn't brace myself for that level or perverted-ness. It grossed me out to no end. I'm still hating myself for involving myself in such thing. I guess I brought it upon myself for agreeing to sell him my underwear in the first place.

I told him no, no phone sex, no nude pix. -_-'

But it saddened me to realize how alone I am. The girls end up jealous in the end.The guys who talk to me just want to F*ck me.

I'm degraded to a mere flesh light.

This is why I withdraw from the world. It is hard to find a companion...I miss my best friend. I hate myself for involving myself in things I shouldn't be involved with for money. ( Uh..lol let me just clarify that I am not, nor will ever be a prostitute though...I'd do things that don't involve me...getting naked)

Pride doesn't feed you or pay the bills. I'd suck it up and do jobs I hate to pay my way through college. I can't wait until one day my artworks take off and I can do solely what I love for a living.

I donated $20 lol...I think I'm going to donate more.
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2100x7200px 1.17 MB
© 2012 - 2024 SnaiLords
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Leonhard-D-Keeden's avatar
I love your art style.   And reading what you wrote about your self, just make sure you maintain your own boundaries, if you can, you will feel allot better about your self.  Trust me, I've been there... just not nearly as far as you.

Keep up the awesome art!  :)